


constellations

by emcaseyb



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged Up, Angst, College AU, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Slow Burn, Tsukishima x Yamaguchi, smut ?? perhaps later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:47:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25473370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emcaseyb/pseuds/emcaseyb
Summary: Tsukishima Kei and Yamaguchi Tadashi have been friends for years. But Tsukishima has been fighting his underlying feelings of attraction towards Tadashi. The question is, are the feelings mutual?{ this is my first time posting a fic on this account,, please give it a chance !! }
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 19
Kudos: 42





	1. if i could count the stars

Tsukishima stretched and winced as he rubbed his arms. Today’s practice had been especially rough. His coach had pushed him to his limits during receiving drills and he felt a bit bitter for it. Scowling slightly, he shouldered his bag and waved an absent-minded goodbye to his teammates. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out to see a text from Hinata. Sighing, he opened it.

From: Shoyou (-_-;)  
Subject: yams ??  
heyy, so i gave yamaguchi my extra red bull nd i guess he’s never had an energy drink before cuz hes going a lil crazy. . .  
just a fair warning since i know yall were supposed to study or sum today.  
aLSO,, you still owe me boba for saving your ass last week !! dont forget. . .

Tsukishima lifted his glasses to rub at his eyes. Even reading texts from Hinata was exhausting. His thoughts turned to Yamaguchi and the idea of him being hyper off of red bull.  
Tsukishima laughed softly. Surely it couldn’t be that bad. Yamaguchi was spirited, but a bit of energy wouldn’t hurt him.

**

“TSUKKI!!” Yamaguchi’s piercing voice carried all the way across the parking lot of the college’s campus. Tsukishima headed towards the bike racks and saw Hinata look up in relief when he spotted him.  
“Ah! You’re finally here,” Hinata stood and pocketed his bike lock, “I’ll, uh, be going then.” He looked almost frantic to leave which made Tsukishima feel uneasy.  
“Kay, whatever.” He nodded in Hinata’s direction as the redhead mounted his bike and pedaled off.  
Tsukishima turned to Yamaguchi and saw the smaller boy bouncing sporadically from one foot to the other, while his hands fidgeted at his jacket collar.  
“You ready to go?” Tsukishima asked, somewhat hesitantly.  
“Yes!” Yamaguchi’s voice was much louder than normal, but the boy didn’t seem to realize this.  
Tsukishima nodded and couldn’t help but let a small smile cross his face as he watched Yamaguchi bound ahead of him with excitement and energy.  
They passed through the campus and headed through the city, soon reaching Tsukishima’s neighborhood. Yamaguchi’s arms refused to stay still by his side and his fingers fiddled with everything within reach.  
“You sure are jumpy today.” Tsukishima noted, not bothering to mention that he knew the cause.  
“I think it’s because Hinata gave me the rest of his red bull earlier.” Yamaguchi bounced back to his side; his face more flushed than usual.  
Tsukishima sighed, “Idiot.”  
Yamaguchi paused to glance at the taller boy, “What’s wrong with a bit of energy?”  
Tsukishima huffed lightly, “A little? You’re bouncing off the walls. We’re supposed to be going home to study. Quietly.”  
Yamaguchi rolled his eyes and smiled, “I’ll be fine! Studying will be no problem.”  
Tsukishima grumbled his doubts as they made their way up the steps to his house.  
“At least there’s no one home so if you have to be hyper, you won’t bother anyone.” He unlocked the door and Yamaguchi bounded inside with a grin.  
“House to ourselves!” He shouted, “Do you have more red bull?”  
Tsukishima shook his head, “We do, but you don’t need more.”  
Yamaguchi pouted and his face flushed even more.  
“Am I really that bad?” He asked.  
Tsukishima cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses, “Not bad, just unusual.”  
He swung his bag off his shoulders and headed upstairs to his room. He heard Yamaguchi follow close behind.  
When they entered, Yamaguchi flung his bag to the floor and jumped up to settle onto the bed. Tsukishima flushed lightly seeing him there. He looked more confident and relaxed than Tsukishima had ever seen him and it sent shivers racing up his spine. He adjusted his glasses as he sat down next to him.  
“Shall we start with science or math?”  
Yamaguchi groaned and rolled over onto his back.  
“Is neither an option?”  
“No.”  
“Then science, I guess.”  
Tsukishima nodded and retrieved his notebook from his desk. He opened it and began silently reviewing his notes from the past week. A minute or two passed with neither of them moving. Then Yamaguchi sighed and sat up. He crawled over to sit next to Tsukishima and began reading over his shoulder.  
“You really like science, don’t you Tsukki?” Yamaguchi commented.  
Tsukishima nodded. His thoughts began to become muddled as Yamaguchi leaned in closer beside him. Their knees were touching and Yamaguchi’s hand was placed on the bed behind Tsukishima’s back, so their shoulders were flush with each other.  
Tsukishima could feel his face steadily flush and he shook his head, trying to clear his flustered thoughts. He looked up briefly to see Yamaguchi watching him. He startled slightly.  
“Yes?”  
“Are you going to turn the page? You’ve been staring at the same word for the past minute.”  
Tsukishima cleared his throat and turned the page.  
Yamaguchi laughed softly.  
“Tsukki, your face is all red! It looks like you drank a red bull too!”  
Tsukishima blinked and then let out a soft laugh in reply.  
“Maybe it’s just because I love science so much.”  
Yamaguchi snorted and moved away from him to lay down again. Tsukishima felt the absence of his touch and moved his notebook so he could lay down with him. He let their arms brush and he glanced over to see Yamaguchi smiling.  
“What?” Tsukishima inquired.  
Yamaguchi laughed and then said, “I’m not sure if it’s the red bull or just me, but having you so close makes it impossible for my brain to focus on studying.”  
Tsukishima turned away so he couldn’t see him blush.  
“Must be the red bull.” He muttered.  
Yamaguchi sighed.  
“Maybe, but the flustered feeling I get happens whether I’ve drank red bull or not.”  
Tsukishima felt his own thoughts begin to feel flustered. Could it be that Yamaguchi held similar feelings for him as Tsukishima did?  
“Flustered?” He asked, “Like… butterflies?”  
He watched Yamaguchi smile and then nod.  
“Yeah! Butterflies!”  
“Hm.” Tsukishima mumbled.  
He felt Yamaguchi’s hand lightly touch his and his stomach flipped as his chest filled with warmth.  
“D-do you get butterflies too Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked softly.  
Tsukishima was silent for a moment before he hesitantly answered.  
“Erm, yes.”  
The mattress moved as Yamaguchi propped himself up on his elbow to look at Tsukishima.  
“You get butterflies when you think of me?” He asked. His freckles becoming more prominent as a blush invaded his cheeks.  
Tsukishima met his gaze and he could feel his face blushing to match.  
“Y-yes.” Tsukishima looked away, suddenly overcome with indecision.  
This was his childhood friend. The boy he’d known since they were ten! They’d been through so much together and had grown closer than anyone Tsukishima had ever known. Never once had he let his underlying feelings get in the way of their friendship. Was he really ready to go down this path with Yamaguchi? Could he bear the pain if he lost his only true friend?  
“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi’s voice brought him out of his head, “Are you alright?”  
Tsukishima grunted out a response, nodding that he was fine. He sat up and moved so that his back was against the wall and he was facing Yamaguchi.  
They were no longer touching.  
Yamaguchi moved to sit cross-legged and put his hands in his lap, fidgeting nervously.  
“Um, so…”  
Tsukishima raised a hand to stop him.  
“I don’t think it’s wise to continue speaking about it. We should get back to studying.”  
Tsukishima’s insides curled as a hurt look settled over Yamaguchi’s face. He nodded and handed Tsukishima’s notebook back to him.  
“Right. Sorry Tsukki.”  
Tsukishima’s stomach twisted tighter at the detached look encapsulating Yamaguchi’s expression. Although he desperately wanted to, he chose not to say anything. He knew the boy would forgive him, but how could he forgive himself for letting out hope and then snatching it back.  
They resumed studying and Tsukishima was acutely aware of the way Yamaguchi positioned himself so that they didn’t touch.  
As the evening progressed, Tsukishima’s heart grew heavier and heavier with regret. His resolve began to crumble as he thought of his longing to be pressed close to Yamaguchi again. He wanted to feel the touch of his skin against his own. Tsukishima glanced at the boy surreptitiously and couldn’t help but smile at how soft and perfectly kissable his face looked. Their eyes met and Tsukishima’s blush deepened. He held Yamaguchi’s gaze and watched the way his eyes flicked down to his lips. Tsukishima licked them nervously and Yamaguchi’s eyes snapped back up to meet his. A flush spread over his cheeks and accentuated his freckles. Tsukishima had to bite down on his tongue to prevent himself from muttering, “I wish I could sit here for hours until I’ve memorized the constellations that dot your cheeks.”  
They had been steadily staring at each other for over a minute until Yamaguchi breathed his name softly,  
“Tsukki…”  
Tsukishima’s stomach erupted in warmth at the sound of his nickname said in such a way. His brain muddled even more when Yamaguchi stretched out a shaky hand to lightly brush his knee.  
“Tadashi…” The name slipped from his lips on its own accord and Tsukishima blushed.  
Yamaguchi’s eyes widened at the sound of his first name. He reached out his other hand more confidently and rested it on Tsukishima’s thigh.  
Tsukishima felt as if he’d been electrocuted. The sensations that raged through his body at Yamaguchi’s touch were foreign and thrilling to him. He longed to tell him so, but his mouth and body were frozen.  
He watched as Yamaguchi slowly leaned in closer until he paused, inches away from Tsukishima’s face. Yamaguchi’s cheeks flushed once more and he watched as his confidence faltered.  
Yamaguchi began to pull away and his mouth opened to form an apology when Tsukishima’s body finally reacted. He gripped the hand that still remained on his thigh. Yamaguchi halted and stared at Tsukishima; his mouth still half open.  
“I can’t…” Tsukishima muttered before closing the distance between their lips.  
He felt Yamaguchi squeak softly in surprise before he melted into the kiss.


	2. conflicted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the chapter in which tsukishima battles intrusive thoughts and makes a selfish decision.

Tsukishima’s heart pounded rapidly in his chest, loud enough that he was afraid Yamaguchi might hear it. The hand that gripped Tsukishima’s thigh tightened slightly as Yamaguchi deepened the kiss.

He felt his breath hitch as Yamaguchi let out a small groan. The vibration of his lips made Tsukishima’s pants tighten and he shifted in sudden embarrassment. Conflicted thoughts flooded his head as they kissed and Tsukishima struggled to sort them out. One clear thought made its way to the forefront…

He was kissing Yamaguchi Tadashi. The boy who had made him flustered and confused since elementary school. The one who had stayed by his side and supported him when no one else did. He was kissing his best friend.

His stomach clenched as another thought invaded his head. Would they still be friends after this? His mind spiraled as it tried to rationalize. Of course they could still be friends. A kiss couldn’t harm that… But the more he thought about it, the more his brain clung to the idea that nothing would ever be the same again.

Fear began to grip him as he considered what losing Yamaguchi would mean. He couldn’t bear it. He needed Yamaguchi in his life desperately and if this kiss was going to ruin them then he needed to stop it. He snapped out of his swirling thoughts and abruptly broke the kiss. Yamaguchi opened his eyes to look at Tsukishima in surprise. His face was flushed and his lips were red.

_I did that._ Tsukishima thought and winced. _I can’t lose this._

“I’m sorry.” He muttered and looked down at his hands.

Yamaguchi looked concerned. He shook his head.

“Why are you sorry, Tsukki?”

“I…” He felt like crying, “I can’t let this happen.”

Yamaguchi straightened and the concern on his face increased.

“I thought you were okay with it? With us… didn’t you like it?” He sounded almost scared.

Tsukishima sighed. “I did like it. That’s the problem.”

He glanced up. Yamaguchi looked confused.

“I don’t understand.” He said softly.

Tsukishima unlaced his hand from Yamaguchi’s grip.

“We’re friends.” He said, “I like us as friends.”

He struggled with his words and attempted to explain more, but Yamaguchi interrupted.

“Friends.” He said, his voice flat.

Tsukishima nodded and adjusted his glasses. Yamaguchi was silent for a long time before he finally said, “I think I should sleep on the futon tonight then. Friends don’t sleep in the same bed.”

His voice carried bitter undertones that pierced Tsukishima’s heart. He struggled to nod.

“Uh, yeah. I suppose you’re right.”

Yamaguchi painfully held his gaze a moment longer before he crawled off the bed to begin setting up his sleeping arrangements. His movements were stiff and his face was stoic. Tsukishima looked away with a pang in his chest.

_It’s for the best._ He thought. _I can’t bear to lose him._

He reluctantly picked up his notebook again and attempted to continue studying, but the pages blurred as tears threatened to fall from his eyes. He breathed deeply and blinked to clear the moisture away.

_Don’t be so pathetic._ He thought and closed the notebook so he could lay and face the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gahh! i'm sorry it's so short!   
> next chapter will be in about a week but i promise it will be much much longer ! ٩(｡•́‿•̀｡)۶


	3. morohoshi

He closed his eyes and tried to relax but a harsh voice cut through the air.

“I can’t find the extra pillows.”

Tsukishima rolled over to look at Yamaguchi. He stood over a half-made futon with his hands on his hips and his face radiating frustration. Tsukishima raised himself onto his elbows and pointed to his closet.

“Top shelf on the left.” He replied.

Yamaguchi nodded, avoiding his gaze, and stomped over to retrieve the pillows. Tsukishima flopped back down and sighed up at the ceiling. He looked up again when he heard a light gasp come from Yamaguchi.

He stood at the door of his closet holding something. When he turned around Tsukishima realized what it was.

Yamaguchi held a small lumpy pillow about the size of a large book that was made of fluffy dino fabric. Yamaguchi had made it for him when they were kids and for a time it had been his most prized possession.

“You kept it.” Yamaguchi observed.

Tsukishima nodded.

“Of course I kept it. I love it.”

Yamaguchi’s brow furrowed and he looked like he wanted to say something, but he remained silent.

He turned to put it back, but Tsukishima called for him to stop.

“Toss it here.” He held out his hands.

Yamaguchi threw it in his direction and Tsukishima fumbled to catch it.

“Nice receive.” Yamaguchi gave a small smile before returning to his search for pillows.

Tsukishima’s heart skipped at the show of emotion and he squeezed the pillow to his chest. Yamaguchi retrieved an armful of pillows and threw them onto the futon before flopping face first into the pile.

Tsukishima smothered a laugh.

Yamaguchi sighed and sat up to rearrange the bedspread.

“I think I’m done with studying for tonight.” He said.

Tsukishima nodded.

“Okay,” He replied, “Do you want to watch a movie?”

Yamaguchi shook his head as he laid down.

“No. I’m tired so I think I’ll just go to sleep early.” He turned so he was facing away from Tsukishima, “Besides, we promised we’d play with the team tomorrow.”

“Oh-” Tsukishima’s spirits fell slightly, “Yeah, um, I’ll go to sleep then too.”

Yamaguchi stayed silent and his breathing became slow and even. Tsukishima smiled. The boy could fall asleep so quickly. He envied him for that.

Tsukishima crawled across his bed to turn off his desk lamp and plunged the room into darkness. He placed his glasses on his bedside table and settled under the covers. He clutched his dino pillow to his chest and relaxed as he listened to the sound of Yamaguchi’s breathing. His own breathing slowed and his eyes fluttered shut as he drifted off to sleep.

*

Tsukishima’s eyes opened slowly and blinked at the sunlight that filtered in through his blinds. He rubbed his nose as he rolled over to fumble for his glasses. He slipped them on and lay back, staring at the ceiling. He sighed lightly before propping himself up to look over at Yamaguchi.

“Good m-” He stopped.

The futon was empty. The blankets had been folded neatly and stacked at the foot of the bed. Yamaguchi had left before Tsukishima woke up. He’d never done that before, and as Tsukishima stared at the bare sheets his heart sank with sadness.

He sat up further and spotted a folded slip of paper resting on the pillows. Throwing the covers back, he stood and, with slightly shaking hands, snatched up the note.

He opened it and read:

**_Thanks for letting me stay the night._ **

**_I decided to head to the gym early so I’ll see ya there._ **

**_~ YAMS_ **

Tsukishima’s hands tightened on the paper, making it crinkle. He silently cursed himself. Was this his fault? Yamaguchi had never left early after spending the night and they had never once not walked to the school together.

He looked down at the note again and ran his thumb gently over Yamaguchi’s messy signature. He clenched his teeth together in frustration. He’d screwed up. He needed to find a way to fix this. He could not lose his best friend over a stupid kiss.

He folded the note back up again and tucked it into a book on his desk. He then quickly changed into more comfortable clothes and assembled his bag full of necessary volleyball equipment. While he was getting ready, he pondered what to say to Yamaguchi when he’d reached the school.

 _I need to apologize for how I acted._ He thought. _And I need to confess how I truly feel._

With determination in his step, Tsukishima shouldered his bag and headed out into the street. As he walked in the direction of the school, his hands fidgeted nervously with his jacket zipper. He stuffed them into his pockets with frustration as they began to shake. It took him less time than usual to reach the gym. His pace had been much faster since he hadn’t been slowing down to match his steps with Yamaguchi’s. He went to push open the door to the gym when a familiar voice caught his ear.

Yamaguchi’s laugh sounded from around the corner of the building and Tsukishima’s heart jumped at the sound. He pushed his glasses back up his nose with quavering hands and walked in the direction of his voice. He rounded the side of the gym and stopped cold.

His hands quit shaking as his heart dropped into his stomach. He stood and stared at Yamaguchi, who had his hands clasped with a girl who leaned against the wall across from him. They were smiling and talking with each other, but turned to look at him as he stood there.

He couldn’t tear his eyes away from their hands and he was finding it hard to swallow.

“Hey Tsukki!” Yamaguchi’s voice pulled his gaze up to his face.

“H-hey Yamaguchi.” He managed to say in a strained manner.

He turned slightly to glance at the girl. She smiled at him and his stomach knotted.

“Oh!” Yamaguchi turned to her, “This is Morohoshi Sumire!”

The girl, Morohoshi, mumbled out a hello and nodded her head at him in greeting.

“She’s in class 1-3, right next to us!” Yamaguchi smiled at them both.

Tsukishima struggled to nod a greeting and cleared his throat.

“The game starts soon.” He said, his tone sounded harsher than he’d intended.

Yamaguchi sighed. He slipped his hands out of Morohoshi’s and reached over to pick up his bag.

“Alright, you go ahead. I’ll be right there.”

Tsukishima reluctantly took a step back and then turned and began to walk off. His posture stiffened even more as he heard Yamaguchi’s enthusiastic voice echo behind him.

He grit his teeth together and his hands balled into fists at his sides. _So much for confessing._ He thought.

With his plan of telling Yamaguchi how he felt out of the picture, his new focus was getting through the game without breaking down.

Before entering the gym, which was already full with the sounds of his friends, he pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. Then he shouldered his bag, arranged his face apathetically, and walked in to join the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took longer than expected for me to write! i hope you enjoyed this chapter ^ ^  
> next one should be out in a week or two !!

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know how many people are actually going to read this, but if you have read it, thank you !!  
> i really appreciate someone taking the time to read my work ♡ ～('▽^人) it means the absolute world to me that you're here !!  
> ~  
> this fic is nowhere near complete nd i hope to continue updating it regularly !!


End file.
